Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
