I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
