It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
