hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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