is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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