I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
