Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
