I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
