She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
