Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
