you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
