That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
