i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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