Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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