hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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