I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
