Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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