I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
