Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
