so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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