okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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