I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
