so that wasnt chicken after all
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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