My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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