I will die if light touches me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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