come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
