i already hear my dad disowning me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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