So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Congratulations! We have a period
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
