i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
