Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
