This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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