Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
