just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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