Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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