bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
