WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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