I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
