if you like me you must not know who I am
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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