I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
