I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
