Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
