Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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