she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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