ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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