Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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