Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
