I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
