I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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