u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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