So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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