Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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