these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
