That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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