the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
