So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
