Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
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I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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