My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my being single is dangerous.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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