guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
