now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
