Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
