How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
