In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
