Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
