dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
