Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
