the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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