omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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