She said her name was "party"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
