Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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