Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
