is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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