Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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