My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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