You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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